I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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