Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
