I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize