I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
