what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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