when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
