Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
as a side note pls kill me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
