I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
