That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
