you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
