My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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