Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
