My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
