my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
