I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
