If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
