you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
