My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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