my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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