At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
