so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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