I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
