walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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