If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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