you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
COCAINE IS GR8
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
