there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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