My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
