i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
