i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
