Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
