my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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