Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
