I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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