thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
