Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
