I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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