it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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