I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
