Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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