how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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