i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
