I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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