shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
