if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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