the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
