I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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