Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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