dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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