Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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