Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
