are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize