Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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