omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
