and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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