K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
