i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
