week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
