I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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