If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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