I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
