so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
