Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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