He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
