i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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