Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
