Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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