Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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