I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
