I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
