Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
