how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
