You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
