Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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