this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
