I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
