YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
