You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Couch. On fire.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
