thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
