TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
