So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
