my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
