Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
