Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
