I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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