she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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