my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
