so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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