i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
