I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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