My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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