I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
NoShamevember. You game?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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