Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
