MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
