Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
