Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
