If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
