textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
