Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize