A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
