she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We have started to decorate penises.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He shit in the fireplace
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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