Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
