I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
