I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
