Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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