i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
