Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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