I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
