tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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