Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
