if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
