There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
