he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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