What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
