She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
