I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
